When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
