ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I die, sorry about rent.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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