help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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