I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
