margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
