So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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