He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
