so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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