I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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