corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
