Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Houston, we have a squirter
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My vagina just clenched in fear
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
