Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
