Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
