1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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