I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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