Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
