Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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