Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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