About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
