I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
