just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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