Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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