After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
