i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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