I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize