I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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