im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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