you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
