Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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