He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
