member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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