I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
