um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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