it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
