her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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