Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
