Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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