So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
