do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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