I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
