Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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