I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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