I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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