you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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