I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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