it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
