finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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