i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
