We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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