we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
