I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize