i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
