I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
