I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i came on her dog
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
