why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
