respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
