In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize