woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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