Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
