So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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