I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
