guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
