can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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