so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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