Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
