everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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