Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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