Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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