he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize