i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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