I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
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you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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