somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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