I'd wear matching sweaters with you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
