you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
