i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we're so committed to being not committed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
